I was lucky enough to have an extra few months off work after having Ruben.
I had left my previous job after maternity leave ended, and thought that with my experience, it would be really simple to get a part time job (maybe 4 days), closer to home, earning good money...how wrong I was!
It was harder finding a job than I thought, and I ended up accepting a full time job with an hour's commute each way. I told myself it would be fine...I’d have that time to drink a coffee on the way to work, listen to the radio without needing so say “look...lorry/bus/nee-nor/tractor” at every vehicle. The drive home would give me the time to wind down from the day, so I’d feel refreshed and ready to do mummy stuff when I got home.
Well...that certainly wasn’t the case for me.
I’d spend the morning driving like a crazy person to make sure I got to the office on time.
My drive home consisted of me ringing hubby to see how the Ruben’s days had been at nursery. Once I’d had the low down of food eaten, toilet activity and most importantly how long he’d napped for, I would put the phone down and cry most of the way home.
If he’d had a good nap, I would see him that evening, if not, he would be asleep in bed before I even got home.
I wanted to be there with our son, not sat in a line of traffic outside Olney!
In the end, it was all too much.
He didn’t want me at the weekend as he was used to nursery, grandparents or his daddy looking after him. I ended up handing in my notice...nothing was worth the indescribable guilt and the fact of how much I missed him. I’d see him for about 30 minutes a day (if I was lucky)! I was so excited about the thought of going back to work.
In all honesty, it’s nice to feel like you are someone else as well as mummy.
It’s nice to dress in clothes other than the same old stuff I wore each day.
It’s good to wash your hair more than the usual once a week, and make do with dry shampoo for the other days!
I’ve now found a job much closer to home, and the company seems lovely! I am starting next week, and am genuinely really looking forward to it! It’s not as much money, it’s not as senior, but I’m more than ok with that.
Before you have children, maintaining a job, home, relationship etc is still tough at times. When you add a child to that list, it suddenly gets harder by the power of 100!
So, I have come to realise, that it’s not important how high I climb now on the career ladder. Sure, I will always want to do a good job, and put 100% into my work when I’m there. But...the smile on Ruben’s face when he sees me as I walk in the door is better than anything. (Oh no...I’ve turned into that cliché mum!).
We are all guilty of making out we have a perfect life and at keeping all of the balls in the air at once.
Every single one of us is different and what works for one person won’t work for another.
So, let’s all give ourselves a bit of a break.
If we love our job, hate it, are a stay at home mum or a mum that works full/part time...we are all just trying to do our best!